I surveyed my readers at the beginning of the year and received some amazing feedback. One particular question I asked brought the most interesting answers. While most questions were multiple choice and basic demographic information, this was an open-ended question and allowed my readers to say what they wanted.
The question was…
What is your top question about marriage that I absolutely need to answer on my blog?
The responses ranged from some very unique issues in marriage to some common challenges many couples have. I’ll be answering these questions on my blog over the next several months, as well as creating some resources to help. Today, I want to answer the following question:
“How do I reignite the passion, sparks, and keep it hot with my wife when life wears us out?”
It’s a great question, and one that many people have because it was asked by more than one reader in some form. My wife and I have experienced it during multiple seasons of our marriage. As a family of five who are involved in a lot of things outside the home, and inside the home (we homeschool our kids and work from home), it can be exhausting!
It’s no fun when your relationship is cold, when sparks are nonexistent, and passion lacks. On the other hand when there are sparks, romance, and passion it’s an amazing thing! It’s what we all hope for in marriage.
You can keep it hot in your marriage
The good news is you don’t have to go through seasons of lack like that. Just like everything else you end up where you are choice by choice and action by action over time. Our life today, our marriage today, is the sum of a series of decisions we’ve made up to this point. Which also means if we want the passion back, we can’t expect to do one thing right now to immediately bring it all back. If that does happen, it probably won’t last long.
However, we can start making different decisions now, and keep making those decisions over time to get our marriage where we want it to be. I have learned, from my wife, there are certain things I’ve done over time that have led her to calling me her “hot husband.”
Being the hot husband isn’t what you’d expect
It wasn’t one grand thing, or a trip, or a gift, or even a seductive word I said to her. Nope, it doesn’t have to be major, budget busting, or straight out of a romance movie. For my wife it came through me doing things over and over that make me attractive to her and light a fire for her.
Instead of me giving you my thoughts on it, I’m going to let my wife tell you. She’s been sharing each day on Facebook since early February at least one reason why I’m her “hot husband.” She was inspired to do so when she came across iMom’s #HotHusband challenge. I’m loving it, and it’s encouraging me to keep doing things that will make me attractive to her, and keep the fire lit in our marriage.
[callout]Susan Merrill from iMom and her husband Mark will be our guest on the 7 Rings of Marriage Web Show this Sunday at 8:30pm EST!
CLICK HERE to reserve your spot for the show, and we’ll send you a link to watch it live.[/callout]
In her own words, here are 10 ways to have your wife call you her “hot husband.”
- Help her bring in the groceries. My wife says I’m “a hot husband when he comes outside to help me bring groceries inside and does it without being asked.”
- Be selfless. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he sacrifices for us, and is always looking to do something for us ahead of himself.”
- Be caring. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he has a beautiful heart. Listening to him talk to his friends and sharing his heart (care and concern) is beautiful.”
- Have a vision for your family. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he has a vision (for our family) and is great at looking ahead and making plans with a heart to best serve our family.”
- Be an engaged dad. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he is a great father to our 3 blessings and has consistently poured into them.”
- Be well-groomed and smile. My wife says I’m “a hot husband as his looks are what first caught my attention; his gorgeous smile to his dark hair with waves…mmhmm…” Note: that is a straight quote y’all, promise I added nothing! 😉
- Be the spiritual leader. My wife says I’m “a hot husband when he grabs my hand and leads us into prayer, often times at the exact moment I need it most.”
- Make family first. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he loves to spend time with his family more than anything, and he loves us in action!”
- Be chivalrous. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he still treats me like a lady and continues to court me. He opens doors for me and goes the extra mile to make me feel loved.”
- Love God. My wife says I’m “a hot husband because he is a man after God’s own heart and he’s seeking to lead and love his family according to God’s word.
While some of the things she mentioned can be viewed as “run of the mill” they will have extraordinary results in your marriage. All of us want our wives to view us as their “hot husband.” We have the biggest influence when it comes to that. But it doesn’t take “big things,” just intentional decision after intentional decision over time.
[reminder]What are your suggestions for keeping it hot in your marriage?[/reminder]
Great list and post! You’re right on again and again. I can look at it many times. As an outdoor guy at heart, I don’t do number 6 well. lol. But that is who she married. Seriously, I see where improvement is needed in my life.
I cleaned the stove the other night with dish soap and a dish washing sponge. That simple act touched my wife. It’s amazing the little things we can do to touch our wives.
Thanks, Pat! And yes it is the little things.
Good stuff, Jackie. Touch is important to my wife. Back rubs, neck massage, foot rubs. She has never told me to stop that kind of attention!! Oh, yeah, repeat often, “I love you.”
Great post Jackie!
Love the tips and love the surprise entry into the post, even from the email. 🙂