Why the gay marriage debate is a MAJOR problem!

In what world does a support of biblical marriage, marriage between a man and a woman, mean that you are an advocate of hate?  The “gay marriage” debate has been a hot topic as of late, and it is a major problem!  Media coverage of President Obama’s statement announcing his support of gay marriage have added to the intensity of the debate.  More recently Chick-fil-A’s statement saying they are “guilty as charged” for support of the traditional family has added more fuel.

Biblical Definition of Marriage

This is getting out of hand

I’ve loosely followed this debate, and the more I read and hear about it the more of a problem I am having. I too, like Dan Cathy of CFA said, am guilty as charged in my belief that marriage is between a man and a woman.  My belief is rooted in the bible and the numerous passages that address it.  I am free and entitled to my personal beliefs and the expression of those beliefs.  Just as someone who believes the opposite of what constitutes a marriage.

But what has happened in many media outlets has gotten to the point of being offensive to me.  I am not offended that another man chose to marry Steve, when I chose to marry Stephana.  I am not offended that now, more than ever, I have to carefully screen every form of media my kids are exposed to for concern of seeing not just a sexual encounter, but a sexual encounter between two men or two women.  I am not offended that someone thinks differently than I do, because they have that right.  Yet I do see these things, and this debate as a major problem, and here is why…

So I am an advocate of hate and my heart is filled with hate?

Many of the media reports about the CFA statement, equate a belief and support of marriage between a man and a woman as an advocate of hate.  This is like going from 0 to 60 in 1.5 seconds.  Here it is.  I have a personal belief. I express that belief.  And now I hate you because you have a contrary belief. Huh??  I searched the definition of hate, and here is what I found: “Feel intense or passionate dislike for (someone): ‘the boys hate each other.’”  Hate does not equal a difference of opinion or belief.  Why do I have to risk being alienated, labeled, and accused of hate because I express what I believe?  That is a major problem.

I am unable to defend the very foundation I stand on without severe consequences

I believe the bible.  I believe what the bible says.  I believe the bible is the definitive guide for my life.  Not one time in the bible does it provide teaching on how two men (or two women) are to relate in a marriage. However, beginning with Adam and Eve (man and woman), through the times it specifically addresses Husbands and Wives (man and woman) in the New Testament, the bible shows through example and teaching how a man and a woman are to relate in marriage.  That is my foundation.  Due to this debate, I am now unable to express, defend, or sometimes even explain this belief without being attacked.  (Just glad I am not trying to open a store somewhere because some politicians may try to block it).  Why am I unable to share my belief without being attacked?  That is a major problem.

This is not even a debatable issue, yet many people are passionately debating it

At the end of the day, what is all this about?  Why are people so passionate?  What is really at stake? The definition of marriage is at stake, that is what.  For those who support gay-marriage, being treated equally in a job, being treated equally in regard to employment benefits, and being treated equally in society is at stake.  For a Christian, who believes God alone created and ordained marriage, redefining marriage is at stake and that is huge.  So when all is said and done, this debate is attempting to redefine what God has already defined in marriage.  That is a major problem!

What biblical marriage supporters should do about it

I will continue to express my belief that marriage is between a man and a woman, just as all of you should, who believe the same.  And I will pray for those who oppose, just like I pray for those who support.  What I won’t do is play the game that is being played against biblical marriage supporters.  I won’t label you a sinner.  I won’t say you are nasty for using your body to do with someone of the same sex, what your body was designed to do with the opposite sex.  And most importantly I won’t offend you by saying you hate me, and alienate you for having a belief contrary to my own.  That would be a major problem.

Question:  How do you feel about this debate and the course it has taken?  Please share in the comment section below.

SPACE

 

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Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Hey Jackie – every time I read your stuff I appreciate your heart. And then even more how you graciously interact with others. Thanks for modeling Jesus like you do!

    • Hey Mark! Thanks for your encouraging words! Blessings to you!

  • Mark Oelze

    Hey Jackie – every time I read your stuff I appreciate your heart. And then even more how you graciously interact with others. Thanks for modeling Jesus like you do!

  • Jackie, I appreciate your boldness and braveness in writing on this topic. God’s truth is often not popular, but because something is not popular doesn’t mean it’s not the truth. And God’s truth is true for all. Just because someone doesn’t recognize the existing of God’s moral law does not mean it does not exist.

    • Yes, indeed, Pat. Those people who receive speeding tickets when they were speeding, but “didn’t know” or recognize the speed limit can attest to that. 🙂

  • Missy

    I enjoyed this blog and the comments. I find it humorous that because christians believe a certain way we are discriminating and we “hate” people who are different, but the group/groups on the other side just want to be treated fair and it is their “right” to voice their opinions. What a selfish way of thinking!
    I am against same-sex marriage, adultery, polygamy, and divorce. I believe marriage is a very precious thing and anything that challenges or comes against the sanctity of marriage is wrong. I think there is a time to have to say enough is enough how far as a society do we go to be careful not to discriminate? Don’t misunderstand I am not saying gay people are animals but what if a large group of people want to start marrying animals is our society going to allow that as to not hurt someones feelings?
    If I don’t support gay marraige I don’t hate gay people I am not a bigot. So lets be fair if you don’t believe the bible and what God’s word says that is your right and opinion but don’t hate me because I do. Real tolerance needs to come from love and respect not to be defined by whether we agree or not.

    • Thanks for reading and sharing Missy! Great points made as well!

  • CoCo

    For
    the record, my beliefs are based on my upbringing and my own personal
    study of the Word of God and I believe that same-sex marriage is not
    God’s plan.

    However, I also feel the same exact way about adultery,
    divorce, and polygamy: none of these things are God’s plan/will when it comes to
    marriage. Of the four things mentioned, adultery is the only one He
    chose to make one of the Ten Commandments in the text we are aware of, so that says to me if He
    hates any of them worse than the others, it might be adultery.

    For this reason, I will never jump on the bandwagon with those who
    profess to be Christians and choose to single out same-sex marriage to protest because the truth is, if you are really interested in defending
    marriage, you would defend it against adultery, divorce and polygamy
    just as vigorously as you defend it against same-sex marriage.

    I wonder if those long lines of people at the fast food restaurant the other day would show up in the same numbers for a protest of adultery or divorce? My guess is they would not even consider going out to support such protests and the reason is most likely because many of them have participated in adultery and/or divorce, and in some cases, polygamy.

    As Jesus said when the men brought only the woman “caught in adultery” (I’ve always wondered HOW they caught her) to Him: “He who is without sin, cast the first stone.” Just as every one of her accusers turned and walked away, I’m convinced most of those Chick-Fil-A patrons who waited in lines for hours in the hot sun would have done the same thing if Jesus (or one of His “followers”) would have asked a similar question of them on that particular day (or any day).

    Love and Peace.

    • I’m with you there. Sin is sin…and adultery is just as damaging to marriage, if not more. Great points and thank you for sharing Coco!

  • Simar

    First, I’d like to commend you for discussing this issue on your blog. I find it hypocritical that gays call Christians intolerant but they are intolerant of Christians because they have views that disagree with the homosexual lifestyle. I’ve had many heated discussions on the job with my co-workers because I disagree with the gay lifestyle. I’ve been called closed minded, ignorant, hateful (just to name a few). As a Christian I believe that the Bible is true and sets the example that I am to live my life by. Homosexuality, just like every other sin, is not tolerated by God…PERIOD! God ordained marriage between a man and woman (Gen. 2:24; the key word in that scripture is WIFE). Does that mean that two men/women can’t love each other? I personally think that the “love” that they share is nothing more than a perversion and lust. I truly don’t think the love is genuine. One of the biggest problems in this country is that we’ve become a society of people that wants to do whatever we want, whenever we want, however we want and with whomever we want without rules and when you disregard rules/standards it leads to chaos. The definition of marriage has become distorted. What’s going to happen when men want to marry horses? 0_o I don’t think that God will ever bless a gay couple’s union anyway so if they want to get married that’s on them. I don’t hate homosexuals. If I did, then I would want their destruction and if I wanted their destruction then I am no greater than a murderer. Even though the sin in our country has become great I have hope in this: Genesis 18:20-32.

    • It is pretty ironic that Christians are called intolerant, but a majority of people opposing Christianity are intolerant to many aspects of Christianity…and much of this opposition is pointing that “opposition finger” at us. Regardless we all should share our belief in love. Very little of that has happened over the course of this debate throughout the nation. Great points Simar! Thx for commenting and for your compliment.

  • Why did God create homosexuals if it wasn’t for us to learn and practice tolerance? If you have ever truly known a gay person you would know that it is not a lifestyle choice.

    • Thanks for sharing Madonna. God created us all, and every single one of us fall short (make mistakes & sin). The choices are up to us, as He gave us free will for that. I believe homosexuality is a choice. Just like adultery is a choice. I understand that everyone may not believe that, and that is okay.

  • Cathy

    Good blog. This is what I started out my day thinking about. I got a really nice post about loving everyone even if we don’t agree with their choices. I think it is an important topic. I think it is pretty funny that a place that is making food, likely to be shortening the lives of all who dwell there…take a stand on what is right or wrong.

    • Haha…yes, the fried chicken sandwich which I know is not the best food for me, but I love it…one of the few (only) fast food restaurants I eat.

      But yes, we still have to agree to disagree in love. Not with all the hate and accusations. Thanks for sharing Cathy!

  • Julia

    I very rarely comment on political or religious discussions on the internet for obvious reasons. However, I feel compelled to comment here. Jackie, you are absolutely entitled to your opinions and beliefs and I do not see any evidence that you are a hater.

    The issue for me, and I believe Mark touched on this, is that you are assuming that your truth should apply to the entire world. I very much resent any move to make legislation based upon your religious belief. You say God said these words, yet I also see no evidence of that. Jesus never speaks of this and I wonder if the prophets that wrote these things could possibly have embellished these ideas with their own thoughts.

    If these things exist on Earth, then didn’t God create them? Homosexuality exists in many species on this planet, not just in humans. I can’t help but believe it’s part of intelligent design. If not, then how intelligent can the design be?

    Believe what you want and I will stand with you against anyone who calls you a hater. Just don’t try to tell others what to believe or try to legislate morality..

    • Thanks for commenting Julia. I completely respect your comments and beliefs. I do not agree with them all, but both of us have free will to choose what we believe.

      I just want to make sure I was clear, I am not proposing government make any legislation in regard to marriage. But I do believe, as stated, God created/ordained marriage between a man and a woman.
      I am not sure if you clicked on the links in the post, but where I am referencing the bible (what God said) I provided links to the scriptures that relate. That is the evidence. The bible is God’s Word. Here are 2 passages that show this: 2 Timothy 3:16-17 & 2 Peter 1:20-21. In short these passages say that the entire bible is God-breathed (from the mouth of God), and that prophecy did not come about from the prophet’s own interpretation, but from God.
      I am not forcing anyone to believe that or anything else I have said, I am just sharing what I believe to be true. Whether someone accepts it as truth or not is not in my control. The point in my post was that I, nor any biblical marriage supporter, should be vilified or labeled because we expressed our beliefs.

      • Julia

        Yes, you and I will always disagree on this issue and the issues surrounding it. I am familiar with the scriptures. Again, though, and I mean no disrespect, that the bible is God’s word is your truth. I have many friends that believe as you do and we argue about it all the time, but we still love each other.

        The point that we will always agree on is that no one should be vilified for their beliefs. To my way of thinking, people who do that are ignorant and ill informed. Scripture says “judge not lest ye be judged.” Some on both side of the argument are guilty of breaking this commandment.

        • Agreed. People on both sides have taken this to an unnecessary level of judgement. I’m glad we were able to have a healthy discussion, no matter our belief. Thanks again for you comments Julia, I appreciate them.

  • Holly

    I believe as a human being we should have the right to marry another human being regardless of the fact that we may share the same sex. However, that being said, I could care less what your feelings are on the subject provided they don’t interfere in another human being’s life (ie. violence, harrassment, etc).

    As for the media, I agree with you. This whole issue has been spun out of context and frankly in my opinion, to death. Everyone is entitled to their opinions and their opinions don’t necessarily make them bad people, their actions do. Just because you don’t believe in the same thing as another person should not equate to you hating said person. We are all individuals with our own brains.

    • Thanks for commenting Holly. I appreciate your perspective.

      • Harry

        Hey Jackie. I couldn’t help but comment on this blog because of the comments being displayed. It is interesting that the whole purpose was about the fact that people are being ‘hated’ because of their view of the biblical definition of marriage, but…people still want to throw jabs at the Bible. ?????? It is funny to me, because it shows how much they really want to express their view about the Bible and what God says. God said there will be blind people, sick people, and people born with ailments…for His Glory. Christ healed these people while he was here, and showed the disciples that they could do the same to demonstrate the power of God. That if we follow Him, we could do the same. Satan is the one who manipulates man into believing otherwise.

        Example…looking back at Genesis, Satan pursued Eve when she was alone to persuade her to eat of the forbidden fruit. Yes, the fruit was in the garden, yes it was edible, but it was not meant to be eaten. Satan persuaded her through conversation and manipulation to use her to get Adam to eat as well. He knew that Adam wouldn’t listen to him, so he used Eve. As a result, God had to keep his word that you shall die. Now…even though we are men and women, and we are sexual creatures, does that mean we are to pursue the same sex? No.

        Question. If the Biblical definition of marriage is between a man and a woman, WHY DO SO MANY SAME SEX COUPLES WANT TO USE THE BIBLE TO GET MARRIED? Why not grab the Torah or the Koran, since they know what the Bible stands for? Grab a dictionary and use it for marriage for that matter, since God already knows and recognizes what constitutes marriage. That is the main reason for so much debate on Gay marriage, because everyone knows the Biblical definition and it seems like a SLAP in the FACE of GOD to be at the alter and in HIS presence.

        That’s why I disagree with same sex couples adopting children. Their minds are easily molded at a young age and I believe that the states shouldn’t allow that to happen.

        • Thanks for sharing Harry! This debate is pretty serious…very complex…and very emotional to many people.

        • Quick Biblical text correction unrelated to the actual topic of this article: Eve was *not* alone. Adam was right there with her. See Genesis 3:6– “…she also gave some to her husband, ***who was with her***” (emphasis mine).

          • CoCo

            I was just about to post this….great minds think alike! LOL! 🙂

  • Jake

    What about other biblical decrees that don’t support your views on one man one woman marriage? Do you also support polygamy? The Bible states on several occasions that this is okay. What about rapists marrying their victims? Or widows having to marry the brother of their ex husband. My problem with the Bible defense to keep gays from getting married is that religious fundamentalism is selectively applied when it helps the christian cause. I consider myself a Christian but there are many “rules” in the Bible that I don’t believe a just God would endorse. Why is a change in the definition of marriage such a horrid thing? If we truly took the words of the Bible then there are tens of millions living in sin, considering the divorce rate in America
    Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.” (Luke 16:18) Should we make second marriages illegal also, the Bible says they are adultery.. Its okay to believe in God and support regular marriage but keeping others from being happy is judgmental. Remember there was a time the Bible was used to keep interracial marriages from happening, do you think everyone should marry within their own race? I am not gay, and I am not black, and I don’t care who folks choose to share their bed with and I’m certainly not going to actively push against someone’s civil rights.

    • Dee

      Along with eating pork and seafood without gills among other things.

      The bible must be made of rubber because it bends so easily for most people.

      • Thanks for commenting Dee. See my reply to Jake’s comment if you would like to see my thoughts on your comment and his.

    • Thanks for commenting Jake. Interesting things you bring up.

      I believe the first time God mentions something in the bible is the way He created/intended it to be. With marriage, the first mention is Adam and Eve. What man (or government) decides to do with it afterward is their choice. And I hope we can agree that all of our choices have consequences.
      The change in the biblical definition of marriage is a bad thing because of the consequences. One HUGE consequence is that we cannot “be fruitful and multiply” through gay marriage.
      But that is not the main point in my post. My main point is being labeled a hater, a bigot, etc because I state my belief in biblical marriage. I do not hate you, nor anybody else, for having a different opinion or for making different choices. Yet, if you look in the media (including social media and comments), saying “I believe in biblical marriage” is almost the equivalent of “I hate you because you are gay.” That is not true.
      In regard to your comment about sin, EVERYBODY is living in sin. The bible teaches us that all fall short…not just gays, straight people, adulterers, or murderers….but all. Including you and I. Anyone who doesn’t believe that is fooling themselves.

      • Jake

        I respect and honor your beliefs. However, there is still some dangerous logic there pertaining to first laws continuing to carry weight. There are all sorts of things in the Old Testament that are hard to believe would work today. And it doesn’t really count to say Christ came and changed the ways, except on Gay marriage which he never spoke against.
        If multiplying is the only purpose of marriage what about all the people who cannot conceive a child, what about elderly people marrying, what about people that don’t want children, what would be the response if it was made illegal for those people to get married.
        I don’t think you are a hater on this at all, you actually are able to explain your beliefs and I don’t think they come from a hateful place. Imagine if someone was telling you that your ways were not only wrong but against God. The media loves using gay marriage as a wedge issue because they know there are many who are against it. Personally I am straight and have no personal interest in gay marriage other than; being against the government making love between two consenting adults illegal. Just because gay marriage could be legal doesn’t mean “traditional” marriage would disappear. If heroin became legal would you start using tomorrow?
        People’s definitions of sin are so varied that yes, everyone is living in sin. Is loving another adult a sin? People’s ideas change as they start to understand the concept. For a long time people thought minorities were inadequate (some still do), and women and people with disabilities, as time passed people realized the discrimination that was being accepted and embraced, time will likely change on this issue as well. Just because you disagree doesn’t mean you have to fall into line or are a bad person.Just try and view it from an equality standpoint.

  • Very classy approach to a “hot” topic JB. I think that society has become an institution of “sides” – meaning that you are either on the “right” side of an issue, or the “wrong” side of an issue. The huge problem I see with this approach, particularly in regards to defining traditional marriage, is that it is COMPLETELY subjective. There is no “right” side to be on. It all depends on how one was raised. Some say same-sex marriage is an exercise in free will, which some say is God’s greatest gift to mankind. Others interpret the bible literally and think such behavior is an abomination. The contradiction here is that how can you have free will AND established parameters (the bible outlines the Christian way to live life)? Again, these types of social issues are too subjective for only one answer to be right, but I believe that whatever side a person is on, it should be respected and never judged or demonized. I am proud to know you and I understand just how important your faith is to you and your family, and I absolutely LOVE that about you both!

    • Thx Mark!! I feel the same way, and I appreciate your feedback and always love your perspective. I agree with some, and disagree with some of what you said.

      God has given us free will…being gay is exercising that free will…agree with that.

      However, there are consequences to our free will choices. God has established parameters, principles, and law. He gave us free will, but that doesn’t mean that our choices are His will.

      When our choices go with or against His will/principles, the consequences of those choices happen accordingly. Example: An apple seed grows apples. A grape seed grows grapes.

      However, we all fall short (in some way or another), but His grace is sufficient for us all.

      • Very astute analysis JB. I have to agree with you on the aspect of the consequences of our free will based choices. Free will does not, in any text, imply that they are the RIGHT choices or God’s will. It would be unfair to say, for example, I killed three people in an exercise of free will. Indeed one is free to do such atrocious things but they would then be subject to the consequences of exercising that free will. Faith, in any form, I think, is a good thing. It takes strength and belief to have faith in anything. It also allows us as humans to believe in things bigger than ourselves that we may not be able to see or physically touch, but still know is there. Through faith.

  • Heather

    Very good! I have “gay” family…and I am far from hating them. As a matter of fact I love them so very much. I do , however, feel that marriage should be that as defined by God…between a man and a woman. And , I often am saddened that they can express their beliefs but I’m a hate monger when I express mine. Couldn’t be further from the truth.

    • I share those same sentiments. I don’t hate them, I disagree with them.

  • This is such a complex topic, and it’s complexity is one of the reasons I haven’t addressed it yet on my blog. I think the biggest problem is that we’ve made marriage a function of the government. If we would have it just be a religious ceremony for those who want it, and redefine our tax/benefit/whatever laws so that they are more equal for everyone regardless of marriage status, we’d be a lot better off.

    • Yes, I actually typed this post a couple weeks ago, and have been wanting to write it for a while. Finally decided I HAD to. Marriage has been created and ordained by God…you are right, it is not a function of government. Thanks for sharing Kelly!

      • I’ve got one drafted but I’ve been having a hard time writing it, for a variety of reasons–the complexity of it, the lack of time to write it, sick kids that need my attention, etc.

        • Go ahead and “ship”! Would love to hear/read it…I think there can be healthy discussions and learning opportunities for us all.

          • It’s in *very* rough draft form! I’ll try to work on it more this week.

  • Steve

    My men’s bible study discussed some of these very same points this morning and I have to conclude that the labels the media, as well as certain individuals and groups cast on believers just goes to show how much dislike a secular world harbors towards Christ. I try to steer clear of hype and speculation, but the theme that I find myself continuing to come back to is persecution. It reminds me of John 15:19-21 which says 19 The world would love you as one of its own if you belonged to it, but you are no longer part of the world. I chose you to come out of the world, so it hates you. 20 Do you remember what I told you? ‘A slave is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you. 21 They will do all this to you because of me, for they have rejected the one who sent me. Basically, the world will hate the purity and virtue that we cling to, but it’s good to know that we are “chosen” for His purposes. To me that’s something to take heart in.

    • Steve, well said…very well said. As Christians we should expect this, and I pray there are more Christians that will stand for Christ in ways that will share His truth in love. Thanks for sharing!