It’s Friday and that means my friend Shawn Snyder, from The Odd Couple Blog, and I are teaming up on our weekly marriage blog.  Shawn will share her thoughts (in green) on the topic through the eyes of a woman/wife, and I’ll share mine (in blue) through the eyes of a man/husband.  This week’s topic is Should Spouses Have Separate Hobbies.  Enjoy!

What do you do when your spouse has hobbies and interests that you do not care for?  What happens when he/she has no interest in the things you like to do?  Is that okay in a marriage, or should you do something about it?

The Ultimate Merger

When two people come together in marriage you are literally bringing two different worlds together, and attempting to co-exist in a way that both people are better off.  No easy task.  The husband has a unique personality, background, and interest.  And so does the wife.  

However, you are to become one. So what do you do when your wife doesn’t want anything to do with something you are very passionate about and enjoy spending time doing?  Wives, what happens when your husband runs the other way when you want to do your favorite things.  Are you okay with that?  Should you be okay with it?  How should you handle it?

First, I don’t think this is uncommon.  As said before, marriage brings two completely different people together to function as one.  So be encouraged if you are constantly going in opposite directions in relation to your favorite interests.  You are not alone.  There are a few things you should do when you face this.

Show respect

The worst thing you can do, and belittle, mock or show distaste for their hobby.  If your spouse loves it and you don’t, at a minimum respect it.  That means if it is watching sports, then show respect by not interrupting or trying to distract from his/her time.  If it is working out, then arrange things so they can work out.  Encourage their efforts even if you are allergic to the gym.

Learn more

Why does your spouse have an interest in this?  Find out.  If your spouse likes to spend time doing something, when you learn more about it you have the opportunity to learn more about your spouse. What makes this so intriguing to them, and might I become interested in it as well?  You just might, and this may lead to you both enjoying the same hobby.  However, if he/she wants this hobby to be their “personal” hobby then you have to respect that.

Find common interests

Even if you show respect and learn more, you still may be worlds apart when it comes to certain hobbies and things you like to do.  That is still okay.  At this point you should begin to find or develop common interests and hobbies.  I suggested in last week’s marriage series post that you find something that both of you have no experience, and learn it/do it together.  I’ve witnessed this developing of common interest in my parent’s marriage of 48 years.

So yes, you should do something about having different hobbies than your spouse.  Ultimately whatever you do should lead to your relationship growing in respect, understanding, and becoming closer.

Question:  What different hobbies do you and your spouse have?  How have you handled that in the past, and how will you handle it now?  Please share it the comment section below.

Shawn’s turn:

Individual Time

If you have read many of my blogs or followed me at all you know that I think married people should do many things together. There are times that you can grow as a couple and enjoy experiences as one. However, I do think that we are individuals and there are times that we need be with friends or family doing things that we enjoy without expecting our spouse to be right there.

Separate but Together

My hubby and I do enjoy doing some things that the other one is not into. So, we have times that we do separate activities that we enjoy and then we can come back together and share what we did and the fun we had sharing the joy of being out and experiencing different things. I love going to our city’s botanic garden and seeing the different gardens. My hubby enjoys tearing down an engine and rebuilding it. Neither one of us really has a burning desire to accompany the other during these events but we wouldn’t want to ask each other to give them up either.

Recharge and Create

Doing things separately also gives the individual time to recharge. We need to keep our own creative tanks full so that we can be a better spouse to our mates. Whatever your hobby or creative release is participating in it keeps us happy and healthy so we are in a position to feel better about ourselves and desire to make others in our lives feel the same.

Best of Both Worlds

The only concern that I have about writing about having separate hobbies is when one partner or the other turns the experience of time apart into always being away. If you always golf during the only time your spouse is home or you work out at the gym every night while your spouse sits at home then that is unhealthy for your marriage. Be mindful of including time for just you and the hobby you enjoy and also have some good bonding time for your partner and you will have found the best of both worlds.

Please share if you found a way for both you and your spouse to enjoy separate hobbies but still come together at the end of the day?   SPACE –