You’re not interested in your spouse’s hobbies…what do you do?

It’s Friday and that means my friend Shawn Snyder, from The Odd Couple Blog, and I are teaming up on our weekly marriage blog.  Shawn will share her thoughts (in green) on the topic through the eyes of a woman/wife, and I’ll share mine (in blue) through the eyes of a man/husband.  This week’s topic is Should Spouses Have Separate Hobbies.  Enjoy!

In marriage 2 become 1

What do you do when your spouse has hobbies and interests that you do not care for?  What happens when he/she has no interest in the things you like to do?  Is that okay in a marriage, or should you do something about it?

The Ultimate Merger

When two people come together in marriage you are literally bringing two different worlds together, and attempting to co-exist in a way that both people are better off.  No easy task.  The husband has a unique personality, background, and interest.  And so does the wife.  

However, you are to become one. So what do you do when your wife doesn’t want anything to do with something you are vary passionate about and enjoy spending time doing?  Wives, what happens when your husband runs the other way when you want to do your favorite things.  Are you okay with that?  Should you be okay with it?  How should you handle it?

First, I don’t think this is uncommon.  As said before, marriage brings two completely different people together to function as one.  So be encouraged if you are constantly going in opposite directions in relation to you favorite interests.  You are not alone.  There are a few things you should do when you face this.

Marriage Works - Encore Valentine's Sale

Show respect

The worst thing you can do, and belittle, mock or show distaste for their hobby.  If your spouse loves it and you don’t, at a minimum respect it.  That means if it is watching sports, then show respect by not interrupting or trying to distract from his/her time.  If it is working out, then arrange things so they can work out.  Encourage their efforts even if you are allergic to the gym.

Learn more

Why does your spouse have an interest in this?  Find out.  If your spouse likes to spend time doing something, when you learn more about it you have the opportunity to learn more about your spouse. What makes this so intriguing to them, and might I become interested in it as well?  You just might, and this may lead to you both enjoying the same hobby.  However, if he/she wants this hobby to be their “personal” hobby then you have to respect that.

Find common interests

Even if you show respect and learn more, you still may be worlds apart when it comes to certain hobbies and things you like to do.  That is still okay.  At this point you should begin to find or develop common interests and hobbies.  I suggested in last week’s marriage series post that you find something that both of you have no experience, and learn it/do it together.  I’ve witnessed this developing of common interest in my parent’s marriage of 48 years.

So yes, you should do something about having different hobbies than your spouse.  Ultimately whatever you do should lead to your relationship growing in respect, understanding, and becoming closer.

Question:  What different hobbies do you and your spouse have?  How have you handled that in the past, and how will you handle it now?  Please share it the comment section below.

Shawn’s turn:

Individual Time

If you have read many of my blogs or followed me at all you know that I think married people should do many things together. There are times that you can grow as a couple and enjoy experiences as one. However, I do think that we are individuals and there are times that we need be with friends or family doing things that we enjoy without expecting our spouse to be right there.

Separate but Together

My hubby and I do enjoy doing some things that the other one is not into. So, we have times that we do separate activities that we enjoy and then we can come back together and share what we did and the fun we had sharing the joy of being out and experiencing different things. I love going to our city’s botanic garden and seeing the different gardens. My hubby enjoys tearing down an engine and rebuilding it. Neither one of us really has a burning desire to accompany the other during these events but we wouldn’t want to ask each other to give them up either.

Recharge and Create

Doing things separately also gives the individual time to recharge. We need to keep our own creative tanks full so that we can be a better spouse to our mates. Whatever your hobby or creative release is participating in it keeps us happy and healthy so we are in a position to feel better about ourselves and desire to make others in our lives feel the same.

Best of Both Worlds

The only concern that I have about writing about having separate hobbies is when one partner or the other turns the experience of time apart into always being away. If you always golf during the only time your spouse is home or you work out at the gym every night while your spouse sits at home then that is unhealthy for your marriage. Be mindful of including time for just you and the hobby you enjoy and also have some good bonding time for your partner and you will have found the best of both worlds.

Please share if you found a way for both you and your spouse to enjoy separate hobbies but still come together at the end of the day?   SPACE -

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Rosla Loveu

    If you have been reading comment online about this spell caster Akpe Osilama it will be easy for me to tell you this that he couldn’t get any more really that he is already. I have come to a conclusion that the gift he possess and his good heart are the strongest most powerful thing i have ever known. He is the most straight forward person and most understanding anyone can ever meet. He did not even ask for my money he just asked me to get materials that will be needed for the spell and that was it. To start, i am an alcoholic and also have a strong addiction for gambling. I lost almost a 100 grand on internet gambling and still did not stop at the same time i was drinking heavily i got suspended form work for a duration of four years because of my drinking problem & my home, i destroyed it with by myself. I was unfaithful to my wife several times and she knew what was happening, i kept yelling over nothing on my girls. My addiction to gambling and drinking was complimentary i was losing a lot of money and still playing and was drinking a lot to calm my nerves. The addiction made me numb my feelings was gone. My wife , my girls saw me as a monster. I remember this day, my wife told me it as my second girl’s birthday the other week and my responds was “grown *** girls don’t celebrate their birthday and if she wanted to she can as well go get a job so she can use want she earn to celebrate every day of her life”. I still can’t believe i said that to my wife and on top of that her sister was right there. My wife was hurt it was written all over her face her face and she told me ” I don’t even know who you are any more where is the man that use to be the human shield of this family ? that man would never had said anything to hurt me or his kids you don’t even care that you are scaring h*** out of this girls? one more of this and i am out” there i told her i don’t need them they were weighing me down that there were burden on me. Those words still hunts me till this day i can believe i really said all those words. My wife left me and off course with the kids and foolish drunk me happily signed the divorce papers. Honestly i don’t know maybe it because i was drunk most of the the day, i felt go i get gambling and kept drinking losing big and winning little waking up with different ladies on my bed every morning. I was like this for two years, and i felt i was on top of the world but my friend made me see i had nothing anymore his wife won’t let him talk to me or hang out with me i gradually felt empty. At a point i saw i needed to get clean and actually committed to my self to AA off course it was hard to admit but with my friends help i got committed. I was six months clean from alcohol and gambling when i discovered my wife was see another man and they were going to get married. I was still in love with her. She was mad when she saw me, she wanted nothing to do with me, my girls hated me because of me they could not even look at me. I tried to get close and got a restraining order. I needed to be my family again i know i ruined it by myself i just wanted to make it up to them i failed then and i wanted to redeem myself to show them the man that use to be the human shield of his family is back i found him again. Akpe Osilama was the man that help me made it happen. It was the course of find a away to reach my wife i found this great spell caster. I did not have the privilege of meeting but like he told other he had helped, some of them met him in real time. He told me after the spell casting my wife , my child will love me like we never fell apart they would know i messed up but they will not care about it any more. I got the materials that was required of me by i got i mean i asked him to help me sending over to him the total cost because most of the materials where only found in the heart of Libya. Just after the spell process was concluded a package was sent to me i can’t disclose its content but it rest easy it could not even harm a fly. He told me what to do with it and all he said will happen happened. I had my family back my wife , my child and i are once again that happy family i lost. I was still on suspension he told he i will get a call to come back to work and i did just after all he did for me. This spell caster he has something that saves lives. Am glad i met him all he promised me he did i wish i could me more grateful. I will leave his email contact like those other person that did in there comment or article which ever this is chiefpriestakpeosilamaspellcast ‘ at ‘ ‘ yahoo ‘ ‘ dot ‘ ‘ com ~~~`

  • O’Sullivan.A.Eimear

    When your spouse is having an affair, your world becomes a confusing, scary place full of hurt, shame, and anger. You will wonder why this has happened and what action(s) to take. The question of what to do when you learn your spouse is having an affair will have a different answer at different times and under different circumstances. What you should do in your specific situation might be a lot different from what someone else should consider doing, but in most cases, it starts by deciding what you really want to take place, and why you want the answer. If you have decided to divorce quietly, move to another country (or planet) and just forget the whole ordeal, what you should probably do to make that happen smoothly will be a lot different than if you really want to know if you’re likely to still be married to the same partner 10, 20 or more years from now. As a guess, you aren’t online looking for advice that supports that choice, since that path seems pretty clear for most people, once chosen.Assuming that what you are really looking for is advice to help your marriage survive, let me make a few suggestions about what you can actually do.When i met my husband then it crystal clear to me that he was the man of my dream. When i looked at him, i saw perfection. He was tall, respectful, looked at me like i was the only one on earth i mean words cannot describe that moment that is the day we met. It lives on here in my head. I know i was not blind and i know there was nothing really to make me suspect he also like the company of men as well as women. Yes i mean we were sexually active just like every other normal couple who are in love. It never seem like he was avoiding me when i want to have *** like he always comes up with excuse no he was just like every other man. I only got to know when i was two years into our marriage. The first year was healthy for us i mean we were happy and had our first child. It was my sister who caught him passionately kissing another man in his car after spending all night together in the movie theater. He told me he was going out with friends for a drink or two. I was hurt because he was not honest with me and also was cheating on me. Even before i knew, this thing he had going on started before we got married at least he was honest about that. Hadn’t been my sister, i would have been locked in the dark. I have nothing against same sex relationship but when you claim to love a woman and also want to be with a man it becomes a problem i mean you are either with one or the other. You can’t be married to me and expect me to shear you with another be it a woman or a man. We promise we will stay together just us and not us with some one else. I gave him an ultimatum it was either me or his male love i was hoping his love for me will make him pick me but no he ended our marriage simply before he could not pick. H wanted it all i wished i never made him choose then. I was in a traumatized i could not understand how he could be so selfish i mean we have a son together you don’t just walk out like that. I remember i even asked him to go ahead with relationship with his lover as long as he was here with me but then i realized i would be at the losing end in all ways. I was so much in love with him letting him go was not an option for me i mean i knew that if it wasn’t him it was going to me no other. After months of trying and searching with no success to find a way to make him see i am more important than his lover i came across a lot of comments on the internet of how a spell caster Obudun Magonata and how he has help a lot of individual with relationship and life problems. I was skeptical about it but i thought giving it a try would not kill me. What can i say, my experience with Obudun Magonata was real, honest i mean everything that was said about him was nothing but all true. He was an angel my angel send take all my problems from me. He told me he uses his spell casting gift to help the help and he does not ask for anything in return because the gift was bestowed on him without any required from me. He told all i needed was the right materials to cast the spell that was to to provide myself. I shared my problem with him that is how my husband ended our marriage because i was not OK with him have a male lover even when we were married and what i needed him to do for me. All i had to get was the materials needed to caster the spell that was going to get me my husband. I could only find one of the spell materials but he help me get the rest with the total estimated cost i sent to him for help. I don’t know how to explain what happen just after the spell process was concluded and made effective with the parcel he sent to me. I was like a fairy tale i mean i got my love back my family was whole again. My husband picked me he choose to be with me. It been more than six months now all i can see is a man loves and dedicate his self to me he goes every where with me aside work though yeah. Contact him here at spiritsofobudunmagonata”at””yahoo””dot””com” convert email address to the standard email format. Hope you all with similar problem get all help from Obudun Magonata also. I also hope this comment will help a lot of you trying keep your marriage bond strong~~~

  • Messy Jesse

    My hobby is looking at my Hubby’s hairy rectum.

  • carina gomez

    My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted.Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM

  • Carolyn .L. Martinez

    May be someone out there knows what i am talking about and know how its like to be invisible mostly by the one person you are in love with. I was in love an unhappy married man.His marriage was going to limbo and i was the only one there for him. He only saw me as a friend but he was more than that to me. I wish i had the heart to tell him before the went ahead and got married then, may be he would never had be unhappy and may be we both would have been together. Yeah it turned out i was too much or a chicken. Though we are together now literally because of the spell Metodo Acamu a very powerful spell caster i must say helped me cast to make him love me just as i loved him. A lot of people may have different opinion as to if what is did is wrong or right but really, it do not matter because he was in pain and his life was falling to pieces and i was his friend who was in love with him. I knew he was going to be happy with me and he is now. For the first time in three years i have he really happy i mean he tells me every time how free he feels . We are perfect together and i know we are always going to be like this. This would not be the case if not for the spell Metodo Acamu helped me cast. All that was required of me were just the materials that was going to be used to prepare the spell and note Metodo Acamu does not do spells for money i wish i knew why but i do not. He told me that i should get the materials needed for the spell preparing he told me to get them myself and if i can’t find the materials all i had to do was send the total cost for it so he can help me. It wasn’t easy to get them but i found them but it took a lot form me i would advice against getting them yourself because there are not only hard to but also difficult to mail believe me. I am only writing this short article for those out there with problems similar to the one i had. If you want to contact him use this email its what i used metodoacamufortressx@(yahoo). com rewrite this email in the usual email standard form for use!!!!!

  • KT Sanders

    my hubby likes hockey he gets soo excited about it and i dont want to rain on his parade , but i dont like it much iv tried learning about it more but its just not interesting , Now we Never go out because we have two growing boys at home so we switch job roles once a year i work he stays home or he works i stay home so either way were separate , he comes home and we don’t really talk he does his thing i do mine well he finally chose something we could do together found someone to watch the kids an said were going out tonight babe get excited , i said oh yea what are we doing?? he said we are going to a hockey game!!!! all excited and pumped up , first thought in my head..ok no enthusiasm at all but i want to go and have fun so i guess my Q is if the sport isn’t interesting what else could i look to for interest so im not a compleat sour puss ??

  • Henry Nancy

    My name is nancy, I would tell everyone that I was able to stop my divorce issue and restore my marriage again, because I did not want it to happen. i do not know what came over my husband who was filling for divorce, I tried to convince me otherwise as I said and did not listen to me, I had no choice but to seek help from a caster and I am now glad I did. Because if it was not for the help of spell, do not know what would have become of me now because she loved me so much that I could not stand it losing my husband. The spell worked like magic with the way and manner change and my husband started to show love instead it was planning divorce. i too happy that everything is in place for me now. I would recommend the use of spell to anyone going through marriage problems and wants to end it. should email Dr.OLOKUM in (LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM) i was helping restore my marriage began.

  • AnaBanana

    how much time should be allotted to do these hobbies per week? Separately? My husband enjoys online gaming and I cannot wrap my mind around him spending equal hours of a p/t job doing this hobby. We are having quite a bit of arguments re: the subject, and cannot find a common ground.

    • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

      Hi Ana, great question. How much time per week is really relative to each marriage.

      To best answer that question, it’d be helpful to have more info through asking more questions. Of course, too much of anything can be a bad thing. A short-answer/solution would be to find a way to discuss it and try to agree upon some boundaries. Perhaps over date nights or other times you spend together, but not necessarily in the moment.

      • AnaBanana

        My outlet is working out, I like to do it 6 days a week. At least an hour sometimes more, sometimes less. I tried to offer the same and he said that doesn’t work because the kind of game he plays doesn’t work like that. I work M-F, he works T-S, so he gets Mondays off, to be at home alone, to play and he still wants more time outside of Mondays. There have been nights he came to bed at 12, 2 or almost 3am because he was on his computer; when he had started at like 9pm. He thinks I am being unfair, and I am feeling like I am 2nd. He says I’m not, but I feel like his actions tell me different. He said he needs this time to be happy…currently neither is with the bickering re: the issue.

  • davisha

    i want to use this medium to testify of how i got back my ex boyfriend. After 4 years in relationship with my husband with 2 kids, he suddenly started going out with other ladies and coming home late, most at times drunk and each time i confront him about this it turns out to be fight, he even threatened to divorce me severally, I was emotionally devastated because i was not sure of what to do to make him love me again, I tried all i could to make him love me again but all proved abortive until i saw a post on the internet on how a spell caster Dr. Zaki helps people restore back their broken relationship/marriage at first i doubted this but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via email he helped me cast a re-union spell and within 5hours my husband came to me apologizing and today we are happily together again. Contact this great spell caster on your marriage and relationship problems at dr.zakispellhome@gmail.com

  • Alicia

    I am from Australia, i want to testify of how i got back my boyfriend after breakup, my boyfriend broke up with me last year, i did all i could to get him back but failed until i saw a post on a love forum about a spell caster who helps people regain back lost love at first i doubted if it was real because i never believed in spells but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via email, he helped me cast a spell and i got back my love within 72hours (3days) Contact this spell caster today for your relationship or marriage issues via this email ikedispiritualtemple@gmail.com

  • sal

    I am struggling with this as my husband of 17 years, only real interest is to watch tv or eat out, have sex, go the movies etc (sedentary). which has lead to us both being obese and unhealthy and obviously not a good example for our 2 children (17 and 10 years old). In 2010 I decided to cut way back on outside activities to stop fighting and spend time doing mostly what he wanted inside the house (watching tv and eating, having sex) and I gained about 40 pounds and was depressed. In 2012 my Dad got sick, died while I watched and snapped me into the present moment and since then, I decided to take better care of myself and quit wasting time and have gradually been making adjustments towards a healthy lifestyle and long for a life where our entire family is active and we can comfortably take vacations and live an active full life travel, do things outdoors together like yardwork, hike, etc. I really don’t think he wants that and I am ready to file for divorce. He is adamant that even though he is over 150 pounds overweight that he is healthy and that he would lose weight if he had better reason to, or that he can when he wants to, etc… He has spent lots of money on quick solutions/gym memberships, etc that don’t work. We have never had common too many common interests and when I spend time away from home being active (boating, travelling, spending time out with friends or with the kids), it is a problem because he feels like I am not focused on our relationship. I could go on and on.. I was in counseling for years, he refuses to go. I quit going because it was mostly about how I could communicate with him to not argue and how to defuse situations and run the household without conflict. Any feedback you could give me to get him more interested in living a life instead watching others live one on TV would be great. I love him, but I also love myself and my kids and know we deserve a better life.

    • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ Jackie Bledsoe, Jr.

      I am sorry to hear that. I can’t adequately address all of what you mentioned in your comment, but I will offer this. Be encouraged and be consistent. As I said, there is so much more to go into, but won’t be able to do it here.

      We (my wife and I) are considering doing some private coaching and counseling services for our readers who express concerns like this, and a blog post, blog post comment, or something like that may not be enough. Would that be something that interests you?

      • Rose Marylove

        I never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster
        once when i went to Africa in may this year on a business summit. I
        meant a man who’s name is DR ABIZA he is really powerful and could help
        cast spells to bring back one’s gone, lost, misbehaving lover and magic
        money spell or spell for a good job or luck spell .I’m now happy & a
        living testimony because the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks
        before our wedding and my life was upside down all because our
        relationship has been on for four years. I really loved him, but his
        family was against us and he had no good paying job. So when i met this
        spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of
        things to him. At first i was undecided, skeptical and doubtful, but i
        just gave it a try. And in 8 days when i returned to UK, my boyfriend
        (now husband) called me by himself and came to me apologizing that
        everything had been settled with his mom and family and that he also got
        a new job interview. I didn’t believe it because the spell caster only
        asked for my name and my boy friends name and all i wanted him to do.
        Well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid, and
        my husband also got the new job and our lives became much better. His
        email is {DRABIZASPELLTEMPLE20@HOTMAIL.COM} you can also contact him for
        help.

        Vera Williams.

  • margaret

    HI My Name is Janice Margaret and i am from United state of America(USA), I wish to share my testimonies with the general public about what this man called Priest Andrew did for me , this man has just brought back my lost family to me with his great spell casting, i was married to this Man called Brown we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but as time goes on, he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then i was now looking for ways to get him back until a friend of mine told me about this man and gave his contact email: priestandrew91@yahoo.com. then you wont believe this when i contacted this man on my problems he prepared this spell cast and bring my lost Husband back , thank you once again Priest Andrew for what you have done for me, if you are out there passing through this same kind of problems, and you need a lost love back or any kind of problems for you can contact him today on his email: priestandrew91@yahoo.com,and he will also help you as well, he is a nice man.

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  • Heath Wiggins

    Just browsing revelant posts and happened upon this one. Seemed interesting. The two became one — but not each other. I like that one Shawn. Finding something we both don’t know how to do and doing it together. I like that one too JB. I might revisit that one. My wife and I took swing dance lesson back in the day. That was fun. But after being married 15yrs, we are looking for something new and creative to do together. We’ve done all the standard ones that most married couples have done. And I’m looking for that brand-newness! That, “Oh no yall didn’t! Oh yes we did”-style activities that we can do together. Yesterday we were talking about what we are going to do for vacation this year/and for our anniversary in Oct. We go nothing – because we’ve pretty much done it all. We even talked about doing a Best Of revisit to our favorite destinations. We need som new ideas. That’s my challenge for you two – Mr. & Ms. family blog people-lol. Whatcha got for me? And bring the funk! (looking for input from both Shawn and JB)
    Thanks

    • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ jbledsoejr

      Hey Heath! Thanks for sharing. We may be able to learn a thing or two from you and your wife. I’d love to hear more. Your question/challenge is a good one. I’m adding this to my post ideas. Hopefully I will have something new for ya! :)

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  • http://www.kellyjyoungblood.com/ Kelly J Youngblood

    I think women probably fall into the trap of only doing what their husband is interested in more than the other way around. I think it is essential to have separate interests/hobbies as a way to maintain one’s own identity. Even though “two become one”, they do not become *each other*. I know that if I was not as independent as I am and didn’t have my own interests, I’d be a little lost, especially because due to the nature of my husband’s job, he works long hours.

    • http://www.jackiebledsoe.com/ jbledsoejr

      Thanks for sharing Kelly. When couples respect the other’s interest, whether they share the same or not, then the the hobbies can be enjoyable and stress free. That is what many look to get from their hobbies…fun and an outlet.

    • carina gomez

      My ex-boy dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing another woman and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refused to have any contact with me.He changed his line,block me from sending him email and facebook.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do. So I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimonies of how this powerful spell caster help them to get their ex back. So I contact the spell caster whose name is Dr Shiva and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me, and to my greatest surprise the Second day my ex came knocking at my door and ask me to forgive him.I am so happy that my love is back again. Once again thank you Dr Shiva,you are truly talented and gifted.Email: reunitingexspell@yahoo.com He is the only answer to your problems.He can be of great help and I will not stop publishing his name for the good work he did for me andpeople are still talking about him on the Internet. REUNITINGEXSPELL@YAHOO.COM