Two Powerful Words . . . “My Wife”

Why I'd Rather Not Refer to My Wife By Her Name Around Other People

Typically when we are in public or are around other people I don’t refer to my wife as Stephana, which is of course her name. She has a very unique name and people mispronounce it all the time.

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She rarely corrects them, so I do. You might think it helps the awkwardness of the mispronouncing her name. But nope, I’d rather not call her by her name.

Everybody calls her by her name, even those who don’t know how to say it. I prefer to call her “my wife.” Because nobody else can.

Marriage is different

The marriage relationship is supposed to be set apart. Different from every other relationship, even the relationship with our kids. So, when I say “my wife,” it is special. It shows she is special to me, and I’m special to her. I love that.

Because of our commitment to one other for life in marriage, this means no other person on the face of the earth can and will ever be able to refer to her as “my wife” or “wifey” or anything with the word “wife” in it unless they say: “Jackie’s wife.”

I know it seems like something silly, trivial, or really minor, but it’s not. It’s big to me, and I think you should take it as seriously with your wife, or your husband (to the ladies). That mindset is just the beginning of me making my wife and our marriage a priority.

Do the small things in marriage

Sometimes it’s small things like this that create the habits, attitudes, and actions that make our marriages truly special!

Here are 6 reasons you too should say “my wife” more often.

M – Marriage is your most important relationship. Treat every aspect of your marriage as it should be: a priority and set apart. As I said, I say “my wife” because it sets the relationship we have apart from every other relationship.

Y – You can. Just cause you can, and nobody else can.

W – Winning. When you find a woman to call your wife you are winning. I’ve won a ton of sports games and even some championships, but one of my biggest wins happened the day I said “I do.”

I – Included in every aspect of your life. There isn’t anything I do without considering how it will impact my wife (and my family). The Bible says “the two shall become one” (Eph. 5:31, NASB). What impacts you impacts her.

F – First lady. Just like the president’s wife is referred to as “the first lady,” your wife is your first lady. That is a regal and elegant position she holds.

E – Everybody should know she’s your wife. Other people need to know you are taken, and she is the one. One of the reasons we wear our wedding ring is because it reminds us and lets others know we are taken.

Maybe you prefer to call your wife by her name all of the time. I encourage you to start referring to her as “my wife,” and see how it lights her up, and makes you feel. But don’t stop there. Begin to treat her like she is the most special person in the world to you.

Today is day six of The 7 Rings of Marriage Summit, where “my wife” and I are sharing our conversations with 20 amazing couples whose marriages have endured and are now inspiring thousands of others. You can learn more and get FREE access to all 20 interviews here at www.7ringsofmarriage.com.

Note: Today is my wife’s thirtieth…uh twenty-something birthday. So, I’m shouting ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY’ to her! If you’d like to join in the birthday celebration, please say Happy Birthday to her in the comments below. You can leave a comment by clicking here.

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Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • Jackie, good stuff. I feel like I fall somewhere in the middle, but will definitely start using “my wife” more in conversations. On the other end of the spectrum, it is a pet peeve of mine when husbands refer to their wife as “her” or “she” alone. Ugh. Our wives definitely deserve much more respect.

  • Outstanding post, Jackie!

    I’m cut from a similar cloth; I almost always refer to Dina as “my wife,” even when it’s “unnecessary.”

    Until now, I never really thought about WHY. Thank you for helping me think through that.

    Your example and leadership are inspiring and empowering.

    Thanks for embracing the call and putting your light on display!

  • Great post Jackie. My wife and I do the same thing for each-other. Except she refers to me as her husband – you know, :-).

    We’ve had people get aggravated with us, especially with my wife because she refers to me as her husband. Some people have told her that they’re going to break her off that “bad habit” and call me by my name. Her response left them more aggravated.

    She would explain something along the lines of still being in love with the man she married and is proud of call him her husband.

    In the same vein, I feel kind of weird calling my wife by her name – even though Debbie is not hard to pronounce, lol… But to call her by her name almost makes me feel “not as close to her” while at the same time not valuing her position as my wife. She means the world to me and I’m proud to refer to her as my wife and value her position in front of my peers and others, as well as hopefully, reinstate the value of a wife – something that has been greatly lost in recent decades. The fun part is that after talking that way, others become influenced by your commitment and they too begin to refer to their wives as “my wife.” It’s a cool thing to see.

    So I agree brother. “My Wife” is it! After all, we’re called husband and wife 🙂

  • briteidea

    I love the idea of elevating your wife to above a mere common name.

    For years, I’ve done the same but with a slight twist. In many circles of life like neighbors, work, church, Scouting, and others, most people I’ve met use the word “wife” in a derogatory way. “My wife” make me _____________ . “My wife” wants to do ____________ so I can’t do that activity with you. It’s very negative and I wouldn’t dare treat my wife in such a way.

    Like you, I value my wife as a partner for the kingdom. There is however, one day when every man praises and adores his wife; his wedding. On that day, she is called “my bride” and every lights up around that phrase

    So, I’ve taken the route to introducing my wife as “this is my bride” It’s certainly a conversation starter and shows other men and women the respect we have for each other.

    I love your blog, keep up the great work and see what happens the next time you introduce Stephana as “my bride” (don’t tell her you are going to do it and see how she reacts too). I’d love to hear your thoughts and experience.

    – D3