Have you ever had access to something that would help you, but you didn’t use it? Or had the knowledge to do something, but didn’t put that knowledge to use?
Let me be the first to raise my hand!
For most couples, marriage is a heavy weight to manage. That’s a very bold statement, isn’t it? When you have over 50% of marriages ending in divorce, it’s safe to say that those marriages carried a weight that was difficult to manage—in most cases.
Small actions can make or break your marriage. Tiny acts of kindness are sometimes the ones that are remembered and impact your marriage most. Unfortunately, tiny acts of contempt are also long remembered, and can be powerful enough to turn a good relationship sour.
The bottom line is that when it comes to your marriage, little actions make a big difference. In fact, my marriage to Jenny started with a simple, but powerful, act of kindness.
You hear husbands talk about how lucky, or how blessed, or how thankful they are for their wives. You may also hear people say, “He married up.” What those statements boil down to is admitting that they don’t deserve the woman they get to call “my wife.”
If you’ve read even a limited amount of my blog posts, you can see how I fit in that category as well. I make mistakes, plenty of them, but one of my biggest mistakes started before we were married. That mistake was breaking the trust in our relationship.
I know what you’re thinking. Can any good thing come out of the woods? But please hear me out. Because we can sometimes find pearls of wisdom in the most unlikely of places!
As the marital affairs of Tiger Woods grabbed headlines around the world in December 2009, I asked myself what lessons we could learn from Tiger about marriage and fidelity. And what would he do differently if he had another opportunity?
If your wife has suffered past abuse, it’s important that you support her and work with her to help her recover from the myriad of emotions that come with being abused. She may feel shame, hurt, anger, and/or sadness over this part of her life, and she will need you to stand by her side and help her.
As her husband you need to understand that abuse isn’t something that happens one time and then it’s over. For your wife, she will carry that with her forever and remnants of that abuse can surface at any time. As such, she will be looking to you for strength. You are her husband, her pillar, and how you react and treat her will go a long way in her recovery.
A couple of months ago my wife and I needed help. We were not talking, we were pretty rude to one another, and the worst part — we didn’t care whether we hurt each other or not. We had reached that nasty place where our hurts, frustrations, and disappointments with one another left us cold, detached, and numb.
At the same time we were preparing for our first speaking engagement as a couple in front of real people (versus online), which just happened to be at the annual marriage retreat we attend as a couple. In addition, I was preparing to present at the Sex Without Sheets online conference.
Several years ago my wife, Stephana, and I were having a prolonged disagreement that was getting on the verge of destroying our relationship. We just couldn’t resolve it no matter what we tried.
Finally I couldn’t take it and I left our apartment, not knowing where I was going or when I was coming back. When I finally came to my senses (realizing I really had nowhere to go), I came home.