My marriage wouldn’t be where it is today, without counsel and support of other married couples. We’ve been through counseling. We’ve had friends “camp out” at our house in the midst of a trial until we worked it out. Too many couples to name have covered us in prayer and helped us in many other areas. Each has been very valuable.
One of the biggest challenges in marriage is being on the same page with your spouse. Many couples have asked how to get on the same page with your spouse.
When two different people, from two different backgrounds, usually with two different ways of doing things come together, be on the same page is no easy task. After 12 years of marriage, my wife and I have had some success and big failures in this area, but we’ve finally found a way to consistently do it.
Have you ever had access to something that would help you, but you didn’t use it? Or had the knowledge to do something, but didn’t put that knowledge to use?
Let me be the first to raise my hand!
Small actions can make or break your marriage. Tiny acts of kindness are sometimes the ones that are remembered and impact your marriage most. Unfortunately, tiny acts of contempt are also long remembered, and can be powerful enough to turn a good relationship sour.
The bottom line is that when it comes to your marriage, little actions make a big difference. In fact, my marriage to Jenny started with a simple, but powerful, act of kindness.
You hear husbands talk about how lucky, or how blessed, or how thankful they are for their wives. You may also hear people say, “He married up.” What those statements boil down to is admitting that they don’t deserve the woman they get to call “my wife.”
If you’ve read even a limited amount of my blog posts, you can see how I fit in that category as well. I make mistakes, plenty of them, but one of my biggest mistakes started before we were married. That mistake was breaking the trust in our relationship.
I was browsing Facebook while I should have been working last week, and I came across a post from one of my friends. The post was a meme and the saying said, “Marriage allows you to annoy that one special person for the rest of your life.”
‘Good night,’ I said, trying to smile and drum up some enthusiasm. I’m not really sure what my wife said in return, but it was probably something similar. In reality, I had already moved on.
On the inside, I was hurting. Frustrated that my wife seemed disengaged. But I didn’t want to admit it. And neither one of us was brave enough to move beyond the status quo.
Marital conflict happens. Hopefully, we’re able to keep it to a minimum, but disagreements—sometimes heated ones—are bound to happen. Should we be careful about how much our kids see? For years, the cultural answer seemed to be “Yes; keep the kids out of it.”
If your wife has suffered past abuse, it’s important that you support her and work with her to help her recover from the myriad of emotions that come with being abused. She may feel shame, hurt, anger, and/or sadness over this part of her life, and she will need you to stand by her side and help her.
As her husband you need to understand that abuse isn’t something that happens one time and then it’s over. For your wife, she will carry that with her forever and remnants of that abuse can surface at any time. As such, she will be looking to you for strength. You are her husband, her pillar, and how you react and treat her will go a long way in her recovery.
Arguments and marriage seem to go hand in hand. Anytime you bring two people together for an extended period of time, disagreements will happen. And due to the intimate nature of marriage, those disagreements can turn into arguments.
But after watching a Ted Talk recently, there may be an “argument” that marriage and arguments don’t have to go together. My friend, Fawn Weaver (Happy Wives Club), is leading the charge in saying we all can have an argument-free marriage. Her marriage has been completely argument free for years.